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07.29.04 (4:51 pm)   [edit]
Yesterday, YS had to bring me to work and fetch my back. So, I gave him a treat at JJ, the new opened hawker centre. And, I'm forced to postphone the class to today. So, I can't rest today...

When we went back from the dinner, it was dark already, and started to rain. But, YS still have to help me to change the flat tyre. It's too tight, he can't opened the screw. When my neighbour, that uncle that I parked in front of his house, he also came out to help, but still to no avail. So, I had to call my uncle for help. Er shu then ask hei shu come to help.

But, it started raining a bit heavily. I had to wait in the house. I didn't aware when did he come, until he finally finished changing the tyre and came together with that uncle to find me. Oh, so nice of him, even change the tyre for me in the rain.

So many ppl help me, I'm really lucky...

And, my mood was quite good last night...

I slept quite early last night... Feeling good... But, woke up at 4.22am, think of him all of sudden. He appeared in my dream. I couldn't hold up myself to weep...

In the dream, I went to his house, it was a special occasion. But, I don't know what occasion is it, and I stay overnight there. His mother was making biscuits or something like that... Then, the next year, the same occasion, I was in my own house...

Hmmm, at 4.22am. What's doing? Sleeping? Next to his gf? I don't know... An undescribable pain in my heart...

I don't know what time I get back sleep, it make me extremely tired in the morning when my alram finally rang.

Here goes another morning... Another working day...
 
I've persuaded myself to let him go
07.28.04 (7:03 pm)   [edit]
I've been thinking of him throughout these years. Still hope that one day he'll back and tell me the words that I really wish to hear. Tell me that he's unwilling to see me crying, unwilling to see me sad.

But, he nvr. He's far away already. And, will never ever come back. Am I going to wait for him for another 5 years? Waiting in pain, and gain nothing at the end. Can I spend the rest of my life with him?

Perhaps, I'm just unwilling to let go. I still think that he love me. But, he doesn't, and maybe never.

You really wanna insist until the very last minute? And, you really wanna hear some bad words from him, saying to you that he never ever love me and ask me go away? Oh, pls pls, don't let myself drop into such pitfall. Run away as soon as possible. Don't wait any more. OK?

Let it go... Maybe it'll be a lil pain... A lil sad... Just keep it in your heart. You are not fated to accompany him until the end of his life... Let's somebody else who really love him and he love to be with him.

Just stay at a corner here to give him your blessing, ok? And, you can be a lil selfish, you can secretly leave some place in your heart, and secretly keep this memories...

I should be grateful, he was with me when he was so young. He really treated me well, and give me such vivid memories, that I couldn't forget all these years... Yeah, I should be grateful enough... :cry:

Kiang, wish you hapiness.
 
Tyre puncture
07.28.04 (4:28 pm)   [edit]
This morning, when I was preparing to go for work, You Shian knocked my door. I didn't block his car, I was wondering what's the matter make him wanna find me at such early.

And, I was told by him, my tyre puncture :shock: I just changed the tyre, which tyre is puncture? How come I didn't aware when I drove my car last night? I'm broke now, just spend over 100 for balancing, alignment and changed a tyre, and a few day ago, another RM130 for the brake, now, have to spend another RM100++ maybe more, coz I found the car's engine a bit weird oso. :?

And, today is another Thursday 8) It is really not my day!!!!!! I hate Thursday!!!!!
 
An unsent letter
07.27.04 (10:13 pm)   [edit]
Hi, WP,

How's ur life there

I'm really bored here. Nothing to do. Or I have to say, there's a lot of things, but I'm unwilling to do and don't know how to do...

Free now? Juz wanna share with you a story of mine...

It was 7 years ago. I was only in form 4. That's really a very memorable years for me...

I had a fren whom have same birthday with me. I called him H. H was transferred from another school. btw, he's not same class with me, but, he was same class with my good friend. And my fren happened to know tat he was actually have the same birthday of me, so only I knew of him.

But, one day, he met an accident. And he died in the tragedy... I was really sad at that time...

At the same time, actually there's a guy who treated me really well. He's T. He's very humerous, and, no matter how sad i am, he's always there to make me happy, make me laugh. When I was alone, he would always approach me to talk to me. When I was sick, he'll even buy medicine for me, bring me home, accompany me while I was wating for my dad to bring me home etc. And, actually my fren always "sing" both of us...

But, I gradually discover actually he had an eye for another girl. When I found that I've fallen to him...

it's very soon, it was H's and my birthday. I really wish to visit him, of course on his grave. Initially I wish to visit him alone. But, that time actually i didn't have own transport, I've to take bus to his graveyard... And, actually to visit this plc at such weird time, yeah, I mean not "qing ming jie', to somebody, it's sort of pantang... So, my friend tried to advise me better don't go, and even go, pls don't go alone... So, I finally approach T. And, actually he still treated me very well that time, and he agreed to skip class and accompany me to go there.

But, at the same time, another friend, K happend to know my decision. And, he offered himself that he'd accompany me there. he's kinda very good student, I bet he won't skip class, and, I really wish that only T to be with me... So, I decline K. But, to my suprise, K agreed to skip class. And, he even called his mum to bring me, and T together to the graveyard...

I remember that time K did give me a birthday present, it's a cute doll, with a red heart-shape written "love". And, he even came to explain to me, that "love' didn't mean anything. And, it was so happening that my freind heard that, she said nothing means something, fishy fishy... Ha..

And, times flied. I started to felt that T really love that girl a lot. maybe he juz treated me as sister, who need somebody to take care... Once again I felt so sad for that...

and, it's almost end of the years already. My diploma piano exam result was going to come out soon... And, I was again upset, coz I failed... How can I ever fail? I used to be very top student? I never failed in any kind of examination. Somemore, the examination fee was so expensive. My family is not so rich, they can provide me to learn and even attend the examination i shld be very grateful ard. It's impossible to ask my dad to let me to resit the exam agian... And, my family used to have some problem...

that night, I called my good fren out. And, we had a long talk. I remembered she said she'd finally found a Mr. rite for me. I really had no interest to hear such things, coz I bet she was going to say which Mr. XXX la, YYY la. But, to my surprise, she said she found that Mr. K seem like treat me quite good, he seem like had an eye on me. :shock: And, she started to tell me many examples that she'd seen.

I never ever notice Mr. K. To me, he's really someone very decent. He seem like will never like a gal, haha, i really mean it. He's very good students, polite and has very good acedemic performance since he's in primary school. He even has a very nice handwritting and good at drawing as well, which make him won alot of prizes since young. He's a athelete as well. And, he can play piano and guitar. But, I juz found that he's some one very strict, it seem that there's no "qi qing liu yu" for him.

But, my fren's words made me start to notice him... And, I finally found that he's always with me these few years, always makes funs to me, and sometimes, we would even go out together to play the piano, he'd bring me home from school when I need some1 to bring me home... Why I never notice him? And, I finaly found that he really treat me a bit different with others.

A few days before the years end, and we'll going to have a long holiday and a trip, I and K, and another girl in library. Btw, I was a libralian, but K's not. That time, I and that girl need to do some work for the library, actually, the library is closed already, nobody could ever get in except librarian. But, he's our fren, so, we didn't forbid him from coming in. And, in the library, we suddenly touch on some sensitive topic... And, he was kidding and said I knew him well, can be his gf... and he's tall and strong, can always protect me... then, I just teased him back and said, you r not handsome... and, he also started to tease me back and said I'm not pretty as well. :x Pig K. But he said very soft, almost couldn't hear. But, the gal just beside her had repeated once for me...


Ok, then, the holiday finally came... Our class had organized a trip, there;s some games in the trip, every1 need to bring a torchlight. To pull his legs, my friend purposely called K and told K that i don't have, and asked him brought extra for me. And, he did...

In the trip, when I was hungry, he'd find food for me. He said he wanted to have a walk in beach together with me. But, that time my fren had started to "sing" us and I was with me fren when he asked me... And, I couldn't just go leave my frens behind...

I really wish to be with him... Eventhough I never spit out, but, why can't he tell??

Time goes by, we become more and more strange.. We stop talking with each other like before, stop fooling each other... And, there are so many times, when he asked about me from my friend, he'd say H is my lover...

So, sad... I don't know how to explain to him... I don't know how to tell, I'm not good in express myself, but y don't he just ask me....

We finally graduated from secondary school... I never stop thinking of him these few years. I've met many guys these few years, but, he still in my heart...

If not he back Malaysia all of sudden, maybe I won't realise that he's still in my heart. I also don't know why, why I just couldn't forget him...

He didn't stay here long, he'll back to Ukraine to continue study, for another 5 years...

I don't know whether he ever luv me before, he nvr say. But, I really did...
 
A letter to my friend, WP
07.26.04 (10:20 pm)   [edit]
Dear wp,

How can you manage to see the advertisement last time?? Strange, strange, strange... Maybe you are fated with detergent company. Hahaha, so, next time you can eventually join better company like Johnson & Johnson, Colgate palmolive and Unilever. I believe they are better company, and they are my dream company, actually. But, I'm quite far from them.

Dono why so xian... maybe we expect too much, hor??? Grab a guy and get married?? Hmmm, good idea. Ok, then, maybe we can target to find a field got more guy, maybe it'll be better. Actually hor, that's why sometimes even I found my qualification is not suitable for electronic company, but, I still apply... 'coz I really think more guy in such company... Easier to find a bf, hahahaha.. Hush... secret ok?? Last time I even tell my friend go KL to work together, 'coz there more guy. Dono y, Johor really rarely got company have young single guy, hor. Hahahahaha...

But, maybe that's another kind of suffer later... Dono...

Very very xian, I really hope to have a drastic change... Throw away everything, go some place far far away... I really admire my friend, she really got such planning to go India to work as temporary "yi going", and she planned to go there, is not any society ah, is her initiate ler. But, actually, she always change one, let's see if she really go there... hahaha...

I think my hometown friend all weird weird punya... I still got some weird weird fren and they are leading life a little bit different. Dare to do many things that different, can do something on impulse... And got guts to do some changes that means alot to their life... My coursemates are different. I have some closer coursemate, when I told my coursemates about things happened among my frens and I, they will always said they nvr have such "stormy" life, their life is just like dead water, nothing really very very special, everything in order. Maybe I still prefer a "stormy" life, so, you prefer what kind of life?

I nvr think to join my friend who always said she wants to lead a different life in different places in this world, she said she wanna wander in the world, no $$ then work, got $$, keep travelling over the world... But, recently I really wish to throw away everything, have some different experience in life...

I'm too tired to be myself. Always do something that other expect/hope me to do, be someone that others expect me to become... But, everytimes, when I'm down and sad, I seem like no such right to be sad. To them, it's so funny... Juz because I treat things too seriously... But, when somebody else request/expect me to anythings, I always seriously wish to compromise. At the end, they just take it as granted, and when we seriously wish some return, we couldn't get, of course we will be unhappy and sad... I think you are this kind off ppl oso... and finally, ppl will only accuse that you are too serious la...

So, I'm learning not to be too serious towards everything. Still in the process of learning... I don't know whether you have the same kind of feeling... But, since you are Leo, at some points, actually I found the chracter to describe horoscope is quite accurate, I bet you have higher pride, maybe you have even deeper feeling...

Ok la, stop here. Look, I'm at all liberty here. :P Maybe I should be grateful, where got such job, nothing to do, can surf net whole day long doing own things and nobody aware and nobody scold, but, every month got pay, considered overpaid ard oh... Hahaha....
 
I've got an interview today
07.22.04 (6:41 pm)   [edit]
I've got an interview today, 3pm. Couldn't find their address, so, I've just made a call to the interviewer, using company's phone... At working hours... Haha. A bit guilty...

Their company is quite near to my current employer. That's mean, even I got this job, I still have to travel around 1 hour to work, 2 hours to and fro, OMG!!!

Very sleepy now. I didn't prepare much for this interview. Even the outfit. And I found that all my black slacks were weared, and I haven't washed them yet, as late as 12.30 am last night. I search my wardrobe crazily to find a suitable outfit, as late as 12:30am...

I still came to work this morning. On leave in the afternoon. Hmmm, maybe I'll take my lunch in Mc Donald later, and spent some time to read the interview tips before I finally go there.

Tomorrow morning have another interview...

Anyway, just wish myself good luck.

I have a dinner outing with Moi tonight. Suddenly feel a bit embarrased to tell him the things between Kiang and me...
 
... ...
07.21.04 (7:50 pm)   [edit]
Maybe it's juz because I'm too bored here, maybe I really miss him... I don't know. but, I suddenly miss him much...

I'm truly regret. We missed out each other... :(

I'm so regret until now... I shouldn't say these words in front of him... I shouldn't say that I don't like him...

The other day, Peng started mocking at us again. it really make me feel so awkward, when I faced him. I asked Peng don't say such things again, I hate it. and, I started to give her a lot of reasons, but, she refused and said that's not reason. So, I told her, because ... I DON"T LIKE HIM... so, pls don't put our name together again... He's just behind me, I knew he can hear me... I didn't mean it, I didn't mean it...

I don't know whether it's my wrong illusion, but, I felt his unhappiness... Was it because my words? I'm truly sorry...

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hwa sat beside me during tuition, at Tong's class. I knew that he used to sit at another plc. I don't know why he wanted switch to my side. Kiang jus sat behind us.

The tuition was on Tuesday, every Tues. Tues got Pasar malam. Dad usually would fetch me back after the class. But, he came late very frequently. I always had to wait him alone when everybody's back. But, Hwa would stay back to accompany me. Sometimes he'd even accompany me walk back. It's very nice of him. But, I'd be happier if the one who accompany me is Kiang, instead of him.

There was one time, when we were all outside to chat while waiting for my dad, and, they were about to go back already. Hwa came together with Ching, and Kiang alone, in his own bike. And, Hwa just suggested Ching to stay for a bit longer until my dad came. And ching agreed. But, Kiang just said that then he made his move first. Why can't him stay a bit longer to accompany me.

When dad went for meeting, I would asked Peng to fetch me. I remembered that time they all went Pasar Malam after the tuition class. And I just stood there to wait Peng, and Kiang back from Pasar Malam earlier with his frens, we o chatted while waiting Peng come. When I finally back with Peng, I heard him saying softly to himself, "oh, actually you are waiting for Peng, I thought you are waiting for Hwa". What!!! Stupid him....
 
Interview
07.21.04 (4:13 pm)   [edit]
Yesterday I received another call for interview, that's a MNC, I suppose the benefit should be ok.

The title is specialist engineer. I don't know what kind of job is that. It's totally different field from my current job as well as my qualification. But, I'll still go there to hv a look. :roll:

Late evening, I received another call from the recruit agent. Oh, come on, how come they call me almost at the same time, even I applied those job at different time. But, it seem tat he doesn't have any job for me at the moment.

Moi finally replied my sms. She said she's glad that I'm willing to tell her about Kiang... I cried crazily almost every night since he's back to Malaysia. Yet, she said she's glad. :shock: She's really pig! :wink: But, I really feel better to talk to her.

Tomorrow I'm going to attend that interview. :? Long time didn't attend any interview.
 
... ...
07.20.04 (5:38 pm)   [edit]
I brought back my diary from hometown while I went back to my hometown last weekend.

Last nite, I took out my diary and read it one more time... It really made me go back to the past time... How time flies..

Clossing my diary, tears was rolling down beyond control... I still miss you a lot, Kiang... ... No matter how many years, no matter how many ppl I've ever met, you are still in my heart...

I know how silly I am. And I'm trying very hard to bury these memories, but, I still can't get rid of you from my heart... Maybe it's juz because I really cannot bear to forget u...

I've sent a sms to Moi, but, she didn't reply until now...
 
Missing him like crazy
07.19.04 (4:43 pm)   [edit]
Do you ever think of someone like crazy at 1.00am? Yup, I did.

It's 1.00am, and my roommate's hp was ringing. A call from her bf.

I think of you all of sudden, think of the words that you said to me 7 years ago in the library. It's still clear in my mind. But, you will no longer say the same word to me anymore.

I know we are 2 world apart now. I know I know... I know we missed out each other's life for 7 years, there's no bridge to join us back anymore. How much I wish to know how do you lead the life in this 7 years? what did you do overther? what did you have for breakfast, lunch and dinner? How did you go from your hostel to campus? Do you ever meet other girl? do you ever think of me? do you still remember the days that we share together in YP?

why did you come back? I should have forgotten you since you are far away? Why did you come back? You know that everytime I saw you, the effort to forget you will once again go into vain. If you come back is juz to tell me that you are going to leave soon. Pls pls pls don't ever come back, don't let me see you again.

I understand what Zhang Xiao Xian said in her book suddenly... When you are in love with someone, every single glance at him, is extreme pain..

I don't want to see you again, forever. It's not because i hate you, instead, I still deeply in love with you. I know ever time we meet, we are going to say goodbye... Then pls, don't let me see you again. I couldn't endure the pain to say goodbye to you anymore...

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I want to write an email to Peng, tell her how bad I am today. But, suddenly realised that she has finally found her happiness. And, no time to listen to me anymore...
:cry:

Finally delete the email that intended for her.

Urghh...She's still kinda "zhong se qing you" ppl. This one, she never changed...

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I haven't decided the date for interview, I should call the interviewer back these 2 days. But, should I attend that interview. I don't like such company, so small...

Somemore I've to take leave... Hmmm... I'm wasting my annual leave... should I go???
 
Boring.........
07.18.04 (9:29 pm)   [edit]
It's extrememly [b]bored [/b]here. Damn stupid job.

I'm sitting in front of computer doing nothing. And I think nobody is aware that I'm actually doing something else... :wink:

My manager is away for one whole week... But, even he's here, he also never knows what am I doing... I'll be leaving here soon. Couldn't stand to do all such stupid job anymore... And it's so quiet in the office. I can hear even a needle drop.

Juz received a call for interview. But, check the company's profile. it's only 15 employees...:? Hmmm, what kind of company is that? how can a manufacturing company only have 15 employees?? Don't know whether want to attend.

If I left now, I can't get bonus anymore... Maybe I have to endure a few month more...[LINE]
 
It's a blue Monday
07.18.04 (8:58 pm)   [edit]
Just have a gathering with my friends last night. It's really really nice can be with them all together. It has been very long time we don't see each other.

But, it's just too bad, Kiang is not there. I really miss him...

He's the only person who can make me have this kind of feeling after 7 years...

It'll be years later that I can see him again... Sad... :cry: